I know, I know...

I know, I know. I said I would be a better blogger in 2011. Well, it seems I lied. I had good intentions...don't we always!? But life is just manic these days.

Today this sweet little guy turns 7:

And a couple of weeks ago this gorgeous little man turned 9:

In between these two, the Husbeast had a birthday, making for a very busy month indeed!

I am now permanently contracted to my full time job and am loving it. It makes for an incredibly busy life: juggling work, family, scrapbooking committments, fitness, a scant social life, kid's activities, housework etc! I often feel like I'm chasing my tail, but we are settling into a smoother routine lately, and I am getting on top of things again.

I have missed scrapbooking desperately! I manage to (mostly) do what I need to do for classes, but not much else. But I have actually scrapped a few layouts just for fun recently and it felt very good. The real crux of the problem is not having many photos to scrap! If I don't have time to take photos, there is nothing to scrap!So I am taking time to get my camera out more often, like I used to, and documenting our every day again. I have missed it!

Speaking of Scrapbooking...I am thrilled and honoured to be teaching classes and hosting Scrapbooking Memories Magazine Studio Talks at the upcoming Scrapbooking and Papercraft Expo and Convention in June! I am so excited at the prospect of teaching classes at this amazing expo. It is always a fantastic weekend of gorgeous Scrapbooking goodies, inspiring displays, awesome classes and a great big social catch-up with my scrapping buddies. I can't wait! Bookings will open very soon, so be sure to secure your spot in a class or 2 :)


My camera is not being friendly with my computer at the moment so I only have iPhone images to share. Hopefully I can get them to behave and can share some layouts soon!

"We've been waiting for you"...

...is the very first thing I said to my newborn nephew when I held him yesterday. Cooper Owen was born to my sister Tracey and her husband Kevin yesterday at 11.15am. He is adorable...delicate, sweet, handsome and very, very loved :)

Cooper weighed 7 lb 8 oz, a featherweight effort compared to his big brother Lachlan who weighed in at 10 lb 11 1/2 ounces! Yikes!

Lachlan was quite fascinated to think that 'Bubby' was now on the outside of Mummy's belly :)Quite a concept for a 2 year old!

Mmmmm Breastaurant! This kid has it all worked out already ;)

Bestill my throbbing uterus (my husband loves that term!). Sweet, smooshed up newborn faces just do me in :)

Little baby feet, all wrinkled, peeling and not yet washed. Amazing!

And me. So beside myself happpy to meet my new nephew. One week overdue and so very wanted and waited for.

Isn't he amazing? :)

Friday Funny :)

Today I am sharing a hilarious article sent to me by my friend Lisa...(there's your shout out my Maxical loving friend!)
It is brilliantly written and fall off your chair funny...hope it cheers up your Friday as it did mine :)

____________________________________________________

ABOUT THE WRITER:



Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.


Colonoscopy Journal:
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.


A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Jefferson, Ohio .


Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.


I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.

 I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.


Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.


Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon..



The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.'



This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.



MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.


After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.


The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

 At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked..

 Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.


At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.



When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere... I was seriously nervous at this point.


Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.



There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was "Dancing Queen" by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, "Dancing Queen" had to be the least appropriate.



'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.



'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.



I have no idea. Really.. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.

Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that IT was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.




On the subject of Colonoscopies...


Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:


1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!'


2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'




3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'




4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'




5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'



6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'




7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'




8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'




9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'




10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'




11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'




And the best one of all:




13.. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'

Remember Bradley?

If you've been reading my blog for a while you may remember my letter to Bradley (text pasted below). Bradley is a check-out operator at my local Woolworths...bless his heart! His questionable hygiene practices lead me to writing him an open letter which I published here but never actually sent.

As it happened, I never saw young Bradley again...until yesterday! He's back...serving the public! I wonder where he's been?...The Fresh Food People's School of Food Handling I hope. I dodged his near empty queue to join a much longer one as I just couldn't bring myself to put my fresh produce in his hands.

Maybe I'm being too judgemental...basing my opinion of Dear Bradley on just one experience. But how many times can you contend with boogers on your avocados, really?! Maybe I'll give him another chance to redeem himself...maybe.

Stay tuned.

Hmmmmm?

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Letter to Bradley:

I know your name because it is on your nametag. You seem like a really nice young man, and I do regret having to write this letter, but there are a few things you need to know if you wish to become a truly excellent Woolworths check-out operator. Firstly let me say how lovely it was that you asked me how my day was and had I had a nice weekend. It wasn't so good, however, when you continued on without a breath to tell me exactly how 'seriously awesome' your Saturday night had been and how seedy you felt when you woke up on some stranger's verandah. Top marks to you though for dragging your sorry self to work!


While on the topic of dragging, it might be worth pointing out the benefits of tissues. While I understand that those boogers sure are bothersome up there, it is best to use a tissue to pick them out instead of the fingers that are handling my avocados. Yes, they are already green, but I quite like them sans DNA.

Those same fingers are probably best kept away from adjusting your crotch during my transaction. The three times I managed to cop an eyeful of movement was more than distracting and I had to shake my head at least twice to clear my vision. This was not pleasant. I am sure you have breaks - maybe use them to adjust yourself....in a bathroom. Woolworths also sell underwear...perhaps you may invest in some newer, more comfortable ones?

Last of all I would like to use this opportunity to educate you a little on feminine hygiene products. They are not dirty. You do not need to flinch, shudder or wipe your hands after scanning tampons. They are in a packet...in fact they came home cleaner than my avocados. Perhaps you can pretend they are beer - you seem to like beer.


I hope this letter may help you to better serve your customers. I fear that Woolworths will be unable to maintain their position as the Fresh Food People if you continue with the unseemly practices you are currently displaying. I look forward to watching you perform your duties as I scan my own groceries next week.


With thanks,


Kerryn Leworthy.

My New Year's Resolution...

...is to actually blog! Regularly. About scintillating and fascinating stuff.


I promise...

The big reveal....

That's right...I'm a Scrapbooking Memories Master for 2011! I am so excited to be able to let the proverbial cat out of the proverbial bag and share my news.

When I found out in September I was in my office at work. I had only been working full time for a month and was still finding my feet...when Kristy called and told me I was one of the Masters. I muffled a squeal and tore off up the hallway telling her I was peeing my pants...not very professional!

I have diligently held my secret until now and then yesterday when I could finally share my news, I was so snowed under at work, I completely forgot! But now it is all out in the open and I am thrilled :)

The amazing list of Masters for 2011 are:

Bridgette Hatton

Emma Allen


Fran Tynan


Kathleen Glossop


Kerryn Leworthy (that's me!)


Lauren Bell


Michelle Winston


Tara Scobie


Tatum Woodroffe


Tiff Sawyer

So many amazing and talented ladies to share the ride with! I love the magazine and I can't wait to see what the year brings :)

Hey! Remember me? I am swamped right now...drowning not waving...
I promise a proper update this weekend...surely...hopefully ;)

And because no post is complete without a picture...my new Facebook Profile pic. Angelic, yes? Don't be fooled! hehe